Jun 22 2009
Chances are you never thought you needed to be rescued from romance.
In fact, you probably feel you need more romance in your life, not less.
The truth is that most hearts are broken in the painful difference between the possibility of real romance and the insistence on the fantasy of romance — with the real thing taking the loss.
Here are a few tips to help protect you from the ravages of romantic fantasy. Continue reading “8 Tips for the Recovering Romantic (Who is Part of a Couple)”
Jun 22 2009
Imagine—the richest relationship you could ever have. What would that be like?
Envision—a relationship in which conflicts, even fighting, don’t drive you apart but deepen the connection between you.
Picture—the sheer joy of discovering a love that thrives on the ordinary experiences of everyday life and is more passionate and spiritually satisfying than your most lavish fantasy.
Trust—you can keep romance alive no matter how long you are together!
Is that a relationship you want? Continue reading “What If Your Relationship Could Be. . .?”
Jun 22 2009
Whether you call it moral or sacred, spiritual or common sense, a truly successful relationship is guided by one question — “What would love do now?
It’s not “What’s in it for me?” And it’s not “How can I manipulate to get more than my share?” And it’s never “I’ll go without to prove my love.” Love only wants what will be in both of your best interests. To define love in action, it couldn’t be any other way.
You see, love is an equal opportunity verb. It loves by doing — so when true love is present both of you are actively giving and receiving. Never just giving, refusing the gifts of love to feign modesty, to avoid embarrassment or discomfort. No, love has us accept what is given to us graciously and with heartfelt respect for the gift of the giver.
At the same time, love requires that we see who the other person is and give in ways that are best suited to that person. It’s not what we think they should have, it’s what will fulfill the other person’s needs and desires.
Love never puts anyone down and never causes anyone intentional harm. Love is always an expression of greater good for everyone involved. It is a form of practical spirituality in action. . . Continue reading “What Would Love Do?”
Jun 22 2009
One of the wonders of being in a long term relationship that celebrates “the magic of differences” is that you can divvy up the daily chores, errands and family support requirements along the lines of one another’s strengths and weaknesses, preferences and distastes.
One of the ongoing challenges of country living is the BUGS! Big moths, black wasps, tiny “no see ums”and all manner of flies and critters figure out how to get inside our house. With a night light in our bathroom drawing them all in there after we turn out the lights, every morning the bathroom sink, floor and window sill have turned into the bug funeral parlor.
Judith finds them obnoxious alive or dead! Jim doesn’t mind them most of the time and does most of the clean up in bathroom. He actually enjoys saving the live ones with his hands or he uses an empty plastic juice jug and a piece of cardboard to trap the wasps until safe delivery out of the house. So, now Judith just calls out for the “Bug Patrol!” and knows Jim will come rescue her.
Respecting our differences allows Judith to feel taken care of by Jim and Jim gets to be the Bug Patrol General!
In the old way of thinking about differences, we’d both be making each other wrong. Jim wouldn’t hesitate to make fun of Judith for being so “prissy and girlie” and “overly sensitive.” Judith would condemn Jim for being “macho” and “tough” and ignoring his “real feelings” of disgust. Each of us would feel righteous and correct—certain the other was wrong and deserved to be punished by verbal abuse.
The fun is in sharing life in all the ways that our differences enhance one another and allow our individuality to shine.
Remember that the other person you’re involved with is not you. So, how do the ways he or she is different from you make your life easier, more fun, better?!
Rejoice in those differences — everyday by Opening to Love 365 Days a Year. Love is not that mysterious or that far away. It’s right in you everyday life if you know how to spot it.
Jun 12 2009
Winter was setting in in the mountains. The trees hade dropped their leaves, the grass wasn’t growing, frost was a regular morning visitor and ice was not too far away. It was almost past remembering that the hills and pastures were bursting with wild flowers just a few short months ago.
But the lush, verdant summer was only one season, like lusty passion was only on expression in the life of a relationship. Things change, and sometimes the beauty is not immediately apparent.
As we walked along the road the winter colors were muted and unassuming. We coulnd’t on them to excite us. Instead, we had to give more of ourselves, we had to open and extend ourselves. We had to bring more to the exchange because one half of the partnership – the winter landscape – didn’t have the energy it once did.
Love is like that. Sometimes our partner doesn’t have it to turn us on. Sometimes they don’t feel well. Sometimes they’re depressed. Sometimes they just want to be quiet. They’re muted and withdrawn.
That’s when we have to extend ourselves, our sensitivity, and look for the beauty of the moment. It won’t leap out and grab us, but it’s there. And it doesn’t mean there’s anything we have to do but be respectful of the what’s happening and, like in the winter, open to the real romance it has to offer. It will return the rich gifts of it’s season and, after a time, will be wild flowers again.
For creative ideas and how you can enjoy real romance everyday visit Opening to Love 365 Days a Year
Jun 10 2009
Ask yourself: Have you earned the privilege of being in a truly loving and romantic relationship? Have you given yourself to the process of co-creating success?
For when we don’t succeed we are in some way responsible.
Oh no, you say, it was his fault or her problems that wrecked everything. But each of us chooses to be where we are. Our relationships start at the very first moment of meeting and are shaped by both people each step along the way. Continue reading “Can You Call Yourself a True Lover?”
Jun 10 2009
In 2000 we moved to a tiny mountain town, out in the country of upstate New York from Santa Monica, CA — to live in a 200-year old farm house on 2 acres with a pond.
This move has opened us in so many ways — ways we could never have predicted. But first we had to trust our impulse to take a big leap, to let go of a need for certainty. Of course, the same leap is required in any new relationship or when we give ourselves fully to a marriage that has been neglected.
We’re surrounded by God’s beauty, we lived on a road dotted with old farm houses and the skies are a painter’s dream. Only because we followed an impulse to move beyond a lifestyle that had become predictable, to dance with life! We gave ourselves to the adventure of expanding intimacy — both with one another and with nature! Continue reading “New Life, New Love”
Jun 10 2009
Romantic getaways are great. But, come on now, how often can you really afford a romantic getaway?
In these economic times, a romantic getaway can seem like a distant fantasy. But what is at the heart of a romantic getaway? Closeness. Affection. Sharing in the love and romance of being together.
Remember your honeymoon? Wasn’t it just like a romantic movie—a great romantic movie? One delicious scene followed another–just being together.
Well, your honeymoon doesn’t have to be stuck in the past . . . Continue reading “A Great Romantic Movie Can Turn An Evening At Home Into A Mini-Honeymoon”
Jun 10 2009
The beauty of love is that love is the source of not just connection, which we all want and need, but of deep beauty — that something special in a person or situation that produces intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind.
Whether it’s puppy love, a new romance, or a romantic Valentines Day gift. It’s not just that pleasurable feelings arise. You also experience a deep sense of recognizing the one you love for who he or she is and you’re recognized in return for who you really are.
That’s the obvious side of the beauty of love. Continue reading “If Love Is Anything Love Is Beauty”
Jun 10 2009
So many people believe that love sucks. They’ve gone through a break up, usually break up after break up, and they blame love for their pain.
Tina Turner asked, “What’s Love Got to Do With It?”
But it’s not love and romance that inspires a woeful “Love Sucks!’ It’s us. We humans who believe that just because we’re human we should know how to love.
That’d be nice, but it’s not so. So what do we do? Continue reading “Are You Somebody Who Believes Love Sucks?”
