Romantic fantasies, like drugs and alcohol, offer the hope of getting what you believe you can’t get on your own. Also like drugs they are temporary and never ultimately satisfying. When the spell dissolves, you’re lost in the pit of heartbreak, shortchanged by life yet again.
On the other hand, when fantasy is not a substitute for reality, it can be a playful source of pleasure. You can slip beyond the limits of daily life and play in a make-believe world. . . Continue reading “The Dangerous Price of Preferring Fantasy”
Tags: Dating, dating problems, heartbreak, real realtionship, romantic fantasies, romantic fantasy
In the early days of love it all seems so bliss filled and romantic — and it feels like it will last forever.
Then you settle down, get married, create a home, have kids and……where did the magic go!? There’s so much to do, the errands never end, the house always needs work, the kids are demanding, and your love seems to have slipped away. Or has it? Continue reading “Workin’ It Out Togther”
You’re busy checking off the items on your to-do list. Most of the gifts have been wrapped. And the holiday cards made it to the post office this morning. Oh, but you forgot about your daughter’s teacher! And what to take to the Smith’s annual Christmas Eve get together? And then the cookies for the school carnival and you used the last of the sugar in yesterday’s brownies for the church fund raiser.
Then just at the same time that you are trying to figure out what to wear to the office party, what should occur? Your two tiny elves run into your bedroom loaded down with treasures they made at school, all meant just for you!
But you haven’t got the time to stop and pay attention. The party’s in just an hour. “Put them under the tree,” you command, turning back to your closet, missing the dejection flattening those eager faces that want nothing more than to please you.
You and your spouse make it to the party on time, but . . . Continue reading “The Gift of Receiving”
Tags: christmas, christmas eve, christmas gift, christmas gifts, receiving love
A number of years ago, Jim challenged Judith, telling her that she didn’t touch him as much as he touched her. Judith was shocked. From her perspective, she was very affectionate physically.
“No way,” said Jim, “not so.”
By that time in our relationship we’d learned how each other liked to receive criticism so that it wasn’t experienced as an attack. But Jim wanted her to be sure to know he was very serious, and meant it as a challenge to her to become more aware, and of course much more physically affectionate. Continue reading “The Revealing Touch”
Tags: affectionate, physically affectionate, powerful feelings
When you connect with and experience your own feelings while, at the same time, taking in the feelings of the one you love, you are walking straight into the open heartspace of real romance, into the special connections you make with one another, whether small and subtle or grand and brilliant.
The following story from our own courtship reveals much about the fear we all have of being truly intimate and surrendering to love. It also tells of the real romance that’s available whenever you open yourself and let someone in — even when limited by your own fears and resistance. Continue reading “The Alchemy of Real Romance”
Tags: fantasy romance, love relationship, marriage relationship, real romance, relationship advice, relationship counseling, relationship experts, Relationship Help, romance, successful relationship
What one thing do you most want to know about love and relationship?
Recently we surveyed approximately 10,000 men and women asking that question. Ninety-five percent of those responding wanted to know how to keep romance alive throughout a relationship and marriage. No surprise.
During our fifteen years working with singles and couples it’s been romance that has been the most desired as well as the most illusive of all relationship experiences. More than sex. More than good communication. More than family.
But what is romance? Continue reading “The Art of Romance”
Tags: keep romance alive, romantic feeling, true love
When you were growing up what did you learn about how you were supposed to think about and treat people who were different from you and your family? What did your family say? How about your friends? Neighbors? What were the messages you received—either openly or by
suggestion?
You may not have an answer right off, because this is not a question that gets asked very often. But think about it. It holds the key to better relationships in every area of your life.
We’ve asked thousands of men and women in the U.S. and overseas. They’ve all admitted that what they learned, some more intensely than others, was to distrust those who were different. So they kept up their guard most of the time—without even realizing it.
What does this have to do with you? We’ll get to that in a minute. But, here’s another question. Continue reading “Can You Be Loved for Being Different?”
Tags: being different, different, embarassment, family, punish, punished, shame
The other day we took a walk out to a nearby field. Behind several tall pines, hidden away from open view, a single, small flower spread its blossoms toward the sun. It was a deep red, vivid— very strong and straight on its thin stem.
“Proud,” Jim said.
“Proud and powerful,” Judith answered.
We both knelt next to it, captivated, surrendering to an unexpected meditation.
So unseen this little red miracle was, so out of the way, and that didn’t matter at all. Appreciated or not, it gave all it had to its life. Continue reading “Meditations on a Little Red Flower”
Tags: connect, connection, longing, magic, magic mystery, mystery, real intimacy, tenderness
In 2000 we moved to a tiny mountain town, out in the country of upstate New York from Santa Monica, CA — to live in a 200-year old farm house on 2 acres with a pond.
This move has opened us in so many ways — ways we could never have predicted. But first we had to trust our impulse to take a big leap, to let go of a need for certainty. Of course, the same leap is required in any new relationship or when we give ourselves fully to a marriage that has been neglected.
We’re surrounded by God’s beauty, we lived on a road dotted with old farm houses and the skies are a painter’s dream. Only because we followed an impulse to move beyond a lifestyle that had become predictable, to dance with life! We gave ourselves to the adventure of expanding intimacy — both with one another and with nature! Continue reading “New Life, New Love”
Tags: New Life, New Love
Chances are you never thought you needed to be rescued from romance. In fact, you probably feel you need more romance in your life, not less. The truth is that most hearts are broken in the painful difference between the possibility of real romance and the insistence on the fantasy of romance — with the real thing taking the loss.
Recovering from romantic fantasy is based on your willingness to accept who you and your partner are — without deceit, without drama, without all of the false puffery so many of us put around our images of love, relationship and intimacy. Recovering from romantic fantasy does not mean living without it . . . Continue reading “Recovering from Romantic Fantasy”
Tags: real romance, romantinc fantasy
